Goodbye, Maggie

 

Maggie 

March 13, 1922 - July 2, 2024

(Click on the Maggie Monday label to read more about this fireball.)

Maggie's Turning 100!

If you were a fan of Maggie Monday's--which focused on my grandmother's antics--I'd like to invite you to participate in her 100th birthday celebration. Her birthday is in ONE WEEK. We are making a Tribute for her. Because she has gone blind, cards won't do. We're using Tribute even though she will only be able to hear it. (That is, don't worry about what you look like!) If you're still out there, please join us! Thanks. And tell her Nikki sent you.

Holiday Greetings

I haven't completely recovered from Monday. The poop just shifted from hobbies to work. {Sigh.} Do you think this is because I literally dropped poo on my shoe when we were hiking with Frida on Sunday? Just a bad omen for the whole week? If so, can you send the counter spell or direct me toward a talisman?

I was in bed thinking about my cards last night, and I wondered what if the wreath was a Christmas wreath? 

I probably should have cut it out in green instead of brown, but I had the matching brown and not the matching green for this paper. I probably could have gotten away with any dark green whether it "matched" or not. Nevertheless... I used the fun fold that Lisa shared last Saturday--the left part of the card opens. I was a little disappointed that more of the red flowers on the designer series paper (Holly Berry, retired) didn't show up. The card stock used was chocolate chip, very vanilla, and real red. The ink is real red. I also popped some rhinestones on it. I had thought about stamping some pinecones on the sentiment oval but that seemed like cheating. If I did this for a Christmas card--and I just might--I would add pine cones. I also might get red rhinestones and put them on a green wreath. Live and learn.

It's Tuesday, so I called Maggie. The occupational therapist was working with her so picked up the phone. I told her to tell Maggie it was Nikole (she seems to recognize me better by my formal name, and I'm guessing it's hard to tell the difference between Nikki and Mikki (her daughter)). The OT brought her some gum, and Maggie was disappointed by how hard it was. "Get me some tea," she says to the OT who probably thought a "thank you" would suffice. On the other end of the line, I was trying to prompt her to say it. Finally, she says, "My granddaughter says to say thank you." Not quite what I was aiming for, but when did my grandmother turn into a...person who doesn't say thank you?

Thank you for stopping by today. And leaving a comment. I have to say about halfway into this endeavor I do start running out of steam until the end is in sight. Those comments just help push me along. Thank you.

Wherein I Do Not Become a Murderer

Happy Saturday! I spent the morning stamping with some friends on Zoom. I made three cards, designed by my friend. (Only one was a fun fold but I didn't use it for my Craft Month challenge.) She sends our directions on Wednesday and lets us know what we are making and how to cut all our papers. Here's what I made:

I think my favorite is "You're the Greatest." I think I like color too much for the monochromatic dog card. Poor pooch. It's fun to see how the same layout gets interpreted by different people. 

After lunch, I went back into the craft room to make this circle pop out card from Connie Stewart at Simply Simple Stamping. I started by stamping my own "designer series paper" with pear pizzazz, calypso coral, soft suede, and soft blue. I think I see here the drawback to my approach. But it was fun to make the paper. Maybe I should just have put the bottom piece of paper on the other side up (that is, the big blue swirl up instead of down)? At any rate, I stamped off the large coral flowers so that they were a bit lighter than the small coral flowers. The base cardstock is calypso coral and the circle and nest die cut are both soft suede. I folded the wreath die cut (the same one from the gatefold card, March 7) in half to make the nest. Looks extra nest-y, doesn't it? 

The card partially open so you can see how it works.

Today is Maggie's 99th birthday. I called to wish her a happy birthday, but we mostly discussed how she could die. Mostly, she wanted me to do it*. She told me I was smart. I told her I was smart enough to know most people don't get away with murder. (Hey, I have watched a lot of criminal investigation television!) "I'll tell them I asked you to kill me." Not if you're dead, lady, not if you're dead. 

* I told my aunt this. Apparently this is something Maggie talks about a lot because my aunt has suggested drowning her in the shower, throwing her out of a window, and suffocation but Maggie has nixed them all. I think she lacks conviction. Which will save me from same.

Anyway, my brother-in-law and two of my friends from grad school are actually celebrating their birthdays, so let's wish them well!

Z-Fold Boat

 

Today I made a double Z-fold card. I used the boat sails and do you recognize yesterday's nest? Today it's the base of the boat! The sun is a swirly flower, and the waves? The kite string. I used Marine designer series paper and pulled my ink colors from that: real red, night of navy, and coastal cabana along with crushed curry. The card stock is real red and night of navy. (This also convinces me that yesterday's card base was indeed poppy parade card stock.)

Maggie has been moved to rehab. The facility also has long term care, and she will probably stay there forever. It's pretty good to live on your own until you are 98 and 356 days old! She did have people--her nephew, her neighbor, and my aunt--coming in to help, but she needs more help than they could give. I've thought she should have moved in to a care facility ages ago...she needed the company! She's in quarantine for two weeks, and once she passes through that, she will have that company. So, she's been there for less than a day, and the nursing staff are already telling my aunt, "she's a hoot." She may be rebounding already. Let's keep a good thought.

Hello There

 I would have called this one Happy Spring! if I had that sentiment. Apparently, I am not good at buying sentiment stamps because I spent ages looking for something I liked more to no avail. This is a pocket card, and you might be able to tell it does not stand up on its own. It doesn't stay shut either so it was impossible to photograph. Not my best work. This came out A LOT different in my head. I didn't have so much time because today has been a day. My grandmother of Maggie Mondays who is 10 days shy of her 99th birthday was admitted to the hospital. She's generally healthy but is blind and has lost mobility. When I call her each week she tells me that she is miserable and wants to die. She is not the same woman who drank chocolate martinis for dinner and said rude but funny things. 

Ingredients:

Some kind of red cardstock (maybe real red, maybe poppy parade?) and some kind of green (maybe mossy meadow?)

Swirly Bird Stamp set

Crushed curry, mossy meadow, poppy parade, coastal cabana, soft suede, gray granite inks

scallop punches

Another Maggie Monday

Loyal readers will be thrilled to know we visited Maggie yesterday. Disloyal readers will need to know that Maggie is my crazy 96 year old grandmother who I've posted about before, bringing you weekly doses of her shenanigans (click on the Maggie Monday label for more).

On this visit she posed the philosophical question, "What the hell good are you at 96? I'm lucky I can wipe my ass."

Later, we took her to the dive bar where she bartended until she was 87. She's a local celebrity there; they don't even charge her for her weekly vodka and tonic with a side of ice. This regular came up to our little group. He had just bought a house and he wanted to invite her to his house warming party. "I want you to come. You don't even have to bring anything," he says. "I guess I'll return that dining room set then," she deadpans.

Bottoms up!

Maggie Monday - A Special Visit

We were up in Maine last week--okay we came home last Monday--and that return was followed by back-to-back work retreats. (And there's another one this week!) So I'm just now getting around to reporting that I visited with Maggie*. She's still living la vida loca heading out to her local haunt two nights a week for her martini, although her legs are slowing down and her vision is worsening. 

Maggie: Come here and show me your face.

Me: [puts my face three inches from her good eye]

Maggie: Oh, that's you! So tell me, are you fat or skinny?

Me: [glances over to my mother]

Mother: [gives me the "tell the truth" look] (because she believes in The Truth over all else.)

Me: I'm fat. [Puts her hand on my leg.]

Maggie: Now that's a LEG.

Maggie forever!

Last month I had hoped to complete the dude's annual anniversary piece, but I didn't start it until the end of the month. Still, it's begun. This is 47 Hearts by Silver Creek. I'm using the called-for colors on a fabric of some sort. Sorry about the fold.

I've been working on Christian's Stocking as I prescribed for August. Stay tuned!

*If you haven't met my 95 year old grandmother, you can read about some of her antics:

An Introduction (last para)

Poor Widow

Saturday Night

Picking a Favorite

Pie

Lousy Job

A Brownie

Ebola

Q&A

WIT: Work in Progress Thursday

On Tuesday, I saw Maggie. She is as hilarious as ever. At 93, she is fairly blind, and so now when you visit, she says, "It was nice to feel you." (As opposed to "nice to see you.") She can only get a general sense of people, so she thought the dude seemed really tall. The day after our visit she asked my aunt if the dude was taller than my cousin's husband. The dude is six feet, but my cousin's husband is 6' 8". Since the last time she really saw the dude, he was well into his forties, I can guarantee he hasn't suddenly shot up!

Yesterday, I saw my father's mother. She spent most of the visit complaining to my father about the "three bitches"  (her daughters) who put her in the home. She can't walk, and she has a problem using her hands now caused by carpal tunnel, so she is absolutely where she needs to be. At 94, she is still pretty sharp (her memory has those blank spots and stubborn revisions). These two fiesty old broads are demonstrating that old age isn't for sissies!

In the afternoon, I helped my mother watch the twins so my sister could take a nap. You know she needed that! So there wasn't enough time to show you what I've been up to.

I've been working on Bent Creek's Lighthouse (1998). I still love it!

Maggie Monday: Be On the Lookout

My aunt wrote to tell me that Maggie has taken to listening to the radio since her vision is so bad. The other day, she called my aunt, who lives in Merrimack, N.H., to tell her police there were on the look out for a guy with pointy teeth. "Lock your door and lay low," she said. Apparently, she only caught the end of the story...

This is the guy they're after.

You've probably seen that in light of the seven feet of snow they are buried under, the Merrimack police have put out an arrest warrant for Punxsutawney Phil. (You can read about it here.)

I know so many of you enjoy stories about my grandmother, but she is having a terribly difficult winter. She's not able to get out as much, and she's starting to feel lonely (plus two of her regular '"rides" are in the hospital). I sort of wish she'd consent to assisted living because then she'd be stuck inside with a bunch of other people and occasional entertainment. I wish there were something we could do, like all drop by. Sending cards--and you know how she likes to open cards--doesn't seem like it will work because her vision has deteriorated to the point my aunt has to read things to her. She describes herself as "not much of a phone person" (it's genetic), or I'd start giving out her phone number, I swear. If you have any bright ideas, let me know!

Maggie Monday: The Boston Accent

Keep in the back of your mind that, being from southern NH, many of my relatives have a Boston accent. (Me? You can only tell when I say "Bawstin.") Where we're from polar bears are "polah beyas." Keep this in mind for later.

My aunt took Maggie to the eye specialist who only visits Nashua once a month. "The place was jumping," my aunt writes:

Our appointment was at 1:40 but we did not get to see the doctor until 5:45. There was an abundance of mothers in their 90s with their daughters in their 60s. After waiting for a few hours we started comparing notes. We found out that a couple of us had appointments at the same time with the same doctor. The waiting room has magazines from the year 2000 and no TVs. Most of the old ladies are half blind so reading a book to pass the time would be out of the question. One of the patients asked the receptionist if was ok to leave and do some errands and come back. That was not an option; they would lose their place in line. One of the married couples was concerned because she hates driving in the dark and her husband would not be able to drive because his eyes were dilated. Who would think you'd have to drive home in the dark when you appointment was at noon!?  

There was a moment of levity when one of the other old ladies (only 83) mentioned that her 30 year old grandson was a research scientist [at a famous place]. He is thinking of making a career change. He wants to get married and have a family. She mentioned how smart he was in spite of being bipolar*. Maggie didn't skip a beat and asked if we had heard of the doctor who had just died of bipolar. The woman and I practically fell off of our chairs lauging. It was quite obvious she meant Ebola.

So now in our office we call Ebola "bipolar."

*You know, old people. Us younger folks know that mental illness does not affect intelligence.

I Made It Monday: Back to Stamping

Every summer my stamping group stops meeting. It feels like I don't stamp a single card, but surely I have? Friday night was our first gathering. It was a small but dedicated group, and I'm happy that rubber is meeting paper once again. I made two cards that I found on Pinterest both intended to use up scraps.

The first is a series of dots glued onto a background paper and then the whole piece is run through the embosser. This card uses the Stampin' Up! lattice folder. It gives the card such neat texture. This card sketch may make another appearance at Christmas time.

The second card also aims to use up scraps, and while I like it well enough, I think it needs a big round thing on the left hand side. The three cards hiding under the top one don't actually have a greeting stamped on them. How many autumnal birthday cards does a person need? I am thinking thank you notes since someone has a birthday coming. ;)

Maggie Monday

My aunt sent an email about a conversation my 92 year old grandmother, Maggie, had with her doctor. In order to understand the whole dialog that follows, you have to know that Maggie was recently prescribed a cream--for what I will not say because it will make you not want to get old--that cost $90. The next day Maggie asked my aunt if they should shop around at other pharmacies so they could get it cheaper. And away we go:

Maggie to doctor: Do you have a black pill for me?
Doctor: A magic pill?
Maggie: Something that will put me out of my misery.
Doctor: You have many good years left.
(Aunt relays story to me)
Me: Many?
Aunt: Good???
Me: It's a moot point anyway. The pharmacy would charge her too much for it.

Ba-dum dum. We'll be here all week, ladies and gentlemen, making fun of old ladies. (If you are new to my blog, please click on the Maggie Monday label. It should explain some things.)

Maggie Monday: The Twins Edition

My nieces at one month. What a difference two pounds makes at this size, right? We were just talking last night that when you see Sugar Rea next to Special K you think she is ginormous. And then you hold her and she's a tiny peanut!

On to Maggie, who recently asked my aunt of my sister, "Has she picked a favorite yet?"

Maggie Monday: My Eyes, My Eyes!

Thanks all for your love of Maggie. I think my aunt likes to see her stories here; it must help her realize she's not hallucinating these things.

I went to Maggie's yesterday to drop off her laundry and give her some lemon chicken and rice and chicken parm and spaghetti. She started the conversation by saying she won't be able to eat it for a couple of days because she bought a couple of mini lobster rolls on Saturday. 

She then says, "I didn't know you cooked like this." Apparently she thinks that I haven't been cooking for the last 40+ years. 

She asked me whether she should keep some clothes she had bought (QVC). After nixing some Denim and Co. jerseys and some Women with Control slacks, she started bitching about her big floppy boobs. And that's when she flashed me. 

My aunt hopes to retain her vision for the upcoming family vacation, but we're not sure...

I have not illustrated this post for the obvious reasons.

Paging: Maggie Monday

My sainted aunt wrote again. She and my grandmother have a Thursday ritual: movie, perhaps lunch, my aunt brings my grandmother to "the Club"--this is the social club where my grandmother was bartender. The job she retired from at 87. (Don't worry, she has chauffeurs for the rest of the week!)

She writes: 

I thought I had it made today because the movie started at 1:45.  I figured I'd pick Maggie up around one and we could head over to AMC, watch the movie and proceed to the Club. Short day! But, no, she said that she'd like to go out to lunch first.  Since she doesn't really eat, how could I say no?  I told her it was her turn to pick.  She settled on Olive Garden or T-Bones. Since we eat at the latter often, I chose the former. I wanted to get there early since most lunch times have busloads of retirees descending on the place. By the way, I had to order for her. Apparently she has stopped reading menus!! That left us with time to kill before the matinee, after we ate.  We went to Marshall's where I proceeded to lose her. Time was running out and I was exhausted from running up and down the aisles looking for her so I had her paged.  Besides, my purse and my purchases were in her cart! I saw her meandering towards the front of the store at a leisurely pace and thought that perhaps she hadn't heard the P.A. announcement. She heard it all right but was "still browsing."  Guess what she had picked up to buy?  $23 worth of chocolate covered everything!***  She could barely touch her food, but there was plenty of room for junk! We saw "Last Vegas", which was very funny.  I just wish that they would stop giving up all the funny parts when they show the trailers on TV.  Maggie always records the names of the movies and stars in her notebook so that she can talk about them at the Club. Today, she said that she didn't need to do that, because she knew the name of the movie and who starred in it.  I decided to quiz her, and she did indeed remember the name of the movie but when it came to naming the stars, she said "oh, you know blondie* and cutie pie**.  Needless to say, she ended up writing down their correct names once I told her.

*Michael Douglas

** Kevin Kline
***Compare this to her recent grocery bill of $22. (She eats out a lot.)

Phar-maggie

Maggie:  “I'm out of pee pee pills.”

My Sainted Aunt: “You'd better call in a refill.”

A couple of days later…

Maggie:  “The pharmacy called and my pee pee pills are ready.  They want to charge me $29.”

My Sainted Aunt: “why?”

Maggie: “They said they are for a 90 day supply this time.”

My Sainted Aunt: “Well, that makes sense because they usually charge you $10 for a 30 day supply.”

Maggie:  “When I questioned it, they said I should call my insurance.  I said no, why don't YOU call  them?”

The pharmacy tech called the insurance company and then she was nice enough to call Maggie and explain her coverage.  Can you imagine why my aunt didn't want to pick up her pills? She let herself run out of them because she said they didn't work anyway.  Well, after a week or so, she decided that they did indeed work.

My Sainted Aunt: "My next goal is to get Maggie to stop calling them 'pee pee pills;." 

Just Another Maggie Monday

My aunt wrote me recently to say she was buying a certain Christmas present for my mother. (It's a pajama/robe set.) My aunt compared my mother's wish to the get-up their mother (our friend Maggie) wears to bed.

Apparently she doesn't take after Maggie who wears odd outfits to bed instead of jammies. For example: champagne colored velour bottoms, hemmed by cutting on an angle with a hot pink and orange argyle sweater vest, and a forest green burn out velour big shirt. Maggie has cute pj's that I can only imagine she is saving for the afterlife.

You will be happy to learn that once my grandmother was badgered enough by my aunt, (and possibly threatened with exposure) she started wearing some of her pajama sets that she has been collecting.

Next time: a trip to the pharmacy for Maggie.

Maggie--We Can't Wait for--Monday

My aunt sent me this note, and it struck me as funny. I just had to share. Also, it's been some time since we've visited the antics of this 91 year old determined to live on her own.


Maggie boiled over her lobster chowder on one of her burners  So not to let the microwave feel bad, she did the same in it. Since she didn't know how to pull out the drip pan to clean it, I told her to ask her housekeeper, Eva, to do it. When Eva was there yesterday, she said that all four burners had caked on gunk that was impossible to remove. She suggested getting new drip pans. Now to the best part. Remember that Maggie's kitchen was done over two or three years ago with all new appliances. Maggie says they must have given her a dirty, used stove because she never uses but the one burner and all the rest have dried gunk on them. Here's the kicker: It took her three years to notice!! I'm not arguing with her, it's not worth it. Her stove is by a company named "Summit". If Duane Rolfe wasn't in jail for beating his sister to death with a baseball bat, I would have gone to McDonalds to find an exact fit.* Jerry and I just picked up some replacements and hope they fit. We also bought the aluminum ones to cover the new ones in case someone breaks into her apartment and gunks up the new drip pans.

*No doubt this is horrifying, but this detail plopped in the middle of the story made me laugh out loud. (Because I am a horrible person.) McDonald's is a family owned kitchen shop in business since 1890 or so. Whenever new stock came in, they'd move the old stock further back in the store. It had everything. Break your grandmother's pyrex dish and need one to match the remaining lid? McDonald's. Need a percolator cord? McDonald's. Need a part for something you found in the thrift store? McDonald's. They always had everything you needed (and even shit you didn't). The store was piled to the rafters and they always knew where to find anything you asked about.

**That's just a photo of a stove from wikimedia commons, not the stove in question.

The Continuing Saga of Maggie Monday

My sainted aunt who has the unenviable task of caring for Maggie has written to share some juicy Maggie stories. I thought you'd be interested. And, speaking of crazy, I worked for three days on Crazy Love. (Pictured)

As my aunt and Maggie were leaving the movie theater after their weekly trip, some guy says "Hi, Maggie."  After she figures out who it is, and they exchange pleasantries, he walks away. But while he's still in earshot, she says "that guy's a real jerk." My aunt says the guy really is a jerk, but she was still embarrassed.

Maggie also needed stuff from Walgreen's, so they stopped in. This time, it's my aunt who gets chatted up. "Hi, Mikki*. Do you recognize me?" She knows him from high school (in the mid-1960s) and he tells her that he has survived two heart attacks and two  bouts with cancer. After they talked a bit, Maggie comes up to my aunt and says, "You graduated with him? He looks like an old man" while the guy was standing right behind her. When my aunt chastised her later, she defended herself saying that he was probably hard of hearing anyway. 

After all this, my aunt stopped at my grandmother's apartment and put her leftover pizza in the fridge and her Walgreen's stuff on a table. Later that evening, Maggie called my aunt saying that she had looked everywhere and couldn't find her pizza. My aunt told her to check the fridge. It's a wonder she doesn't get sick from--we assume--leaving foodstuff out on the counter for days!

*It's true, Mikki and Nikki.

Maggie Monday: Party Edition

Thanks so much for your blogiversary wishes. Sorry I dropped that on you and went away again! I do appreciate your sentiments!

While we were all up in New England, we celebrated Maggie's 90th birthday. My aunt and mother invited 40 people, and 40 people showed up! We had told her she was coming to lunch with family. She was quite surprised! You can see how bright the room we were in was, and with her bad eye she had difficulty seeing when she first came in. When she walked in, there was a table of women with whom she has traveled the world (Greece, Russia, Austria, etc.) and she walked by them like she had never seen them before in her life. (Of course, she wasn't expecting them.) My other grandmother (O.G.) had just arrived, and was saying hello but Maggie couldn't see her. My O.G. introduced herself by her maiden name, like that would help! But the worst indignity was suffered by my sister. She came up to say hello, and my grandmother asked, "Who's that? Jody?" My cousin's friend Jody looks great for her age, but she is almost 20 years older than my sister! Maggie finally made the rounds of all the tables and knew everyone once her eye had adjusted to the light. She's mostly still got it.

We had a wonderful lunch at the Copper Door in Bedford, NH. You can see the fabulous decorations my aunt's friend used. The theme was lime green and pink. The flowers were beautiful including chrysanthemums anastasia and dianthus barbatus "Green Trick." Very unusual. There was pink and lime tulle and glittery pink ornaments--one of my grandmother's personal style mottoes is "sparkle plenty!"--including the pink glitter shoe you can see near the perfect cake my cousin made. We also had lottery ticket holders for everyone--Maggie loves lottery tickets! They were lime green with a pink ribbon and the message, "Happy Birthday, Maggie/ March 13, 1922/ You're one in a million." (Though I think the biggest prize won was $2.) The invitation had requested Maggie stories rather than presents, but few people had prepared themselves. My mother got up and told "sounds good since you had it fixed" and then bullied several people into telling stories. The family genealogist told everyone there were 39 cousins at one time, and 13 survive. Many of them were at the party. 

My sister and I scanned hundreds of family photos and made a PowerPoint presentation that ran in a continuous loop throughout the party. Unfortunately because the glare, I'm not sure my grandmother saw much of it. Fortunately, my sister had the foresight to make a beautiful book of the photos with Shutterfly.

My grandmother's speech (bottom photo) was mostly about what a lucky person she was. I'm pretty sure that outlook is what has helped her last this long!

Unfortunately my youngest cousin was unable to attend. She is in the hospital gravely ill. She has an infection in her spine and "vegetation" in her heart. Between the pain and the medications, she's delirious. I know my aunt, who visits here regularly, would appreciate your prayers and good thoughts. Many thanks.