More Boobs

Thanks for your rather thoughtful responses to the p-o-r-n. If, as Miss Quoted suggests, porn is just too "done" to be surprising--maybe all the subversive sayings are too--what is the new shocking thing that will raise cross-stitch to an art? We thought maybe violence. But what do you say?

Can you tell I haven't been stitching? More media: Remember that artist who cross-stitched the Vogue covers? Inge Jacobsen has been hired by a jewelry company to stitch images from the catalog. Some of them are really weird, and the model looks like she stuck her head into one of those cut outs at the fair. Only instead of making her look like she's really fat or in an odd situation, she looks like she's been cross-stitched. But not her face. Or the jewelry. Cross-stitched jewelry, how are they supposed to sell that?

The artist was assisted by the Royal School of Needlework, "who helped create the Duchess of Cambridge's Alexander McQueen wedding dress." I'm pretty sure that until Kate M. makes a real boner, the Royal School of Needlework at Hampton Court is going to be forever associated with that dress. No matter how many other projects they work on. It's how we're making needlework relevant for the masses.

Am I too cranky for this blog?

Cross Stitch Porn

Thank you for sharing my disgust with the way the media covers cross-stitch. It's a little tiresome, but it's good to know you are with me! Because I've got more...you knew?

(Warning clicking leads to) Cross-stitch Porn. I'm not using the term loosely as in "food porn." No, I am using it literally. (For those of you who sometimes say your head, "like, literally exploded." I am using literally correctly here to mean "actually or exactly; in a literal manner.") I'd illustrate this post with a picture, but I'll tell you not safe for work. You will be happy to know that cross-stitch here knows no grannies, but it is usually used to "depict cats, flowers, and country homesteads." Seriously? Are these the only two paths we can take? Cats, flowers, and country homesteads or anal sex, blowjobs, and nudity? Oh, you know if it's not one thing it's another!

It is so simple for us to elevate ourselves from craft to Art...

The artist, Leah Emery, does say some interesting things about the juxtaposition of cross-stitch and let me just re-emphasize hard core porn:

As the works are entirely pixelated at close inspection, if you're focusing on the colours, substance and craftsmanship of the work initially it can be difficult to determine the content of the image. Once you take a few steps back the image sheds its ambiguity and becomes clear enough to render the craftsmanship void. 

What I thought at first was, why would you spend so much time stitching these pieces, when it takes 15 minutes to write a porn script and another hour more to make a whole movie?

But she addresses that:

Pitting together the two themes—laborious and beautiful domestic handiwork and the cheap and easy world of the sexually explicit —allows each viewer to respond to the work in their own way, depending on how the ensuing chaos grips them.

But I'm not sure I'd let her get away with that for an answer. It starts out so promising, then devolves.  (Sometimes I think my training as a critic unfits me for listening to what artists say about their art. Maybe that works for you. Sometimes it really is just me.)

Is it art? We've seen this around, so it's not unique. Does it get to be art because it is in a gallery? Because she's trained as an artist? Because she thinks she is elevating the craft by not stitching cats, flowers, and country homesteads? Now there's an idea cross stitched country homesteads where the cats have sex. If I make some sort of bestiality joke here, have I gone too far?


Would this be the wrong time to welcome all my new followers? I do appreciate you being here, even if this isn't quite what you thought you signed up for! Cheers.

Inspiration

THANK YOU! to all of you who delurked. Still, only 13% of you. I'm determined to break 20%, though I'm not quite sure how I'll lure you out. Yet.

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The best part about blogging is giving myself a wider audience. (You know, instead of bugging the dude all the time, "Look what I did!") I'm pleased to give a wider audience to two readers who took inspiration from my work. First, Cheryl saw this:

And made this, charting her own "curly W":

And then Susan saw these (how much did I want to write "saw my boobies?"):

And made these for her "tacky ornament" (tacky?!) exchange:

Love the pearl necklace. (And I did get to say, "show me your boobies!") She's also looking for help because her group loved this ornament sooooo much they want a felt penis ornament. (Now that is tacky.)

It appears I spoke too soon regarding Sissy. She has some sort of bubbling skin problem near her incision (they did remove it--didn't I say?), and it's unclear if it is infection or allergy, though they lean toward the latter. (My dad is allergic to latex and betadine, so pretty likely.) We'll be having lunch tomorrow after her appointment, and I'll let you know how it goes. They do have to go back in at a later date because there is some sort of King Spawn Cell that they didn't get. But she's on the road ...

Nips

The other night at dinner, my cousin's husband--who we love because he invited the dude and I to live in his house for months (it was really his idea)--had a little Freudian slip. A Nip Slip as it were. Only without the bare breasts. He was talking about wanting more food and instead of saying "a little nibble" it came out "a little nipple." Which cracked us up because there's nothing we like better than a whole lotta dirty. Or even a little bit o'dirty.

So, the Nipple Project. Should I enter my breasts?

Boobies II

May I present the almost infamous boob ornament. My sister thinks it looks like hairy boobs. The effect was supposed to be a feather boa. What do you say?

Boobies!*

We interrupt your regularly scheduled Christmas countdown to discuss a secret present that has been received!

Taking a page out of San's book, I decided to make a felt ornament for a friend. To make a long story short, we had been talking about boobs. I thought it would be funny to make my felt ornament look like a pair of tits. I used a salt shaker to draw my template on pink felt. I overlapped them a bit so that they would maintain some kind of ornament integrity (really, I lost all integrity when I came up with the idea for a boob ornament). I used blush for the areolas. I made Rhodes stitch nipples. Then I sewed them together halfway around. I put cardboard circles inside so that when I stuffed them, they'd only poof out in the front. I sewed one breast about 3/4 closed then stuffed it with, what else?, the time honored traditional kleenex. I did my best to make them look almost alike. Every woman knows, however, after intense study, that her girls just don't match. Okay, every natural woman knows this to be true. Then I stitched in some cleavage.

So there I was with a droopy rack. Not very interesting. I had also included a gift of a pink feather boa for my friend. So I got out some pink eyelash yarn and stitched it around the twins. I also made a hanger with the stuff. So now it's just a weird, Mae West-esque, Christmas ornament. It makes a better story than a decoration.

The whole time I was making it, I was singing "Santa Baby" to myself.

*A few years ago, my sister and I were in Victoria's Secret in the Beverly Center. This little boy, probably about 3, went up to a mannequin and grabbed her boobs in both hands and shrieked, "boobies!" at the top of his voice. I almost wet myself, I was laughing so hard. We still crack up when one of us yells, "boobies!" We're easily amused.

Four

I ran around at lunch yesterday and managed to find some things to wear. In the evening, I alternated between unpacking the boxes in the bedroom (mostly clothes) and working on the Christmas cards. This morning, I couldn't find my brown shoes. I opened up a bag and found the purple sweater I was looking for yesterday. Of course.

finish Christmas letter
create return address labels
address cards
mail cards
wrap Christmas presents
find something to wear for Christmas eve party
find something to wear for Christmas day
pack for trip to frozen north
unpack boxes

As to Carol's comment yesterday, there's plenty to go around! We can discuss the exchange later.