Monday, November 14, 2011

Cranky Old Yankee for Sale

You know what’s amazing about being 89 years old? You can make the world revolve around you! Seriously, the physical therapist called my grandmother to make an appointment to work with her in home. (She left rehab on Friday!) The therapist wanted to come at 10:00 am.

My grandmother said she couldn’t. “I have a schedule too,” she told them. “I stay in bed, watch Regis, eat breakfast, and then take my shower.” She offered noon. They countered with 1:00 pm. I hope that doesn’t coincide with another television show. Or, you know, her post lunch nap.

When my aunt went to get her out of pokey, Maggie was all packed and ready to go.  If you count piling all of her clothes into her small suitcase so high that you needed a space bag to suck the air out of everything to fit it all in.  She had some beautiful bows from gifts that she had decided to save and use on her apartment door. Unfortunately, they were the first things she had packed in the suitcase.  

Maggie’s been shuffling along since she lost her eye, but they wouldn’t let her leave rehab unless she could walk properly. On the way out of stir, my aunt had to remind Maggie not to shuffle. So she started marching out of rehab. Smart ass.  

When my aunt was restocking Maggie's pantry, she asked my aunt to buy her some Aunt Jemima frozen individual breakfasts of French toast and sausage.  She wanted five, but only if they cost $1.  My aunt jokingly asked what I should do if they were $1.29. Maggie said not to buy them. They were $1.39 so she bought five and didn't tell her how much they cost. 

I think my aunt may be nearing The.End. with her, though. My aunt and uncle bought her a shower bench to use now that she’s post-surgery. Of course, it needed to be fixed to fit into her tub. My aunt and uncle took four trips to my grandmother’s house with the bench and shower curtains that needed to be altered to accommodate the bench. After all that, my grandmother decided to use her original shower stool. She likes it better.

With apologies to Shel Silverstein:
Old lady for sale!
Old lady for sale!
One swanky and cranky old lady for sale!
I’m really not kidding,
So who’ll start the bidding?
Do I hear a dollar?
A nickel?
A penny?
Oh, isn’t there, isn’t there, isn’t there any
One who will buy this old lady for sale,
This cranky, Yankee old lady for sale?


Erin said...

LOL I think Shel would approve.

Anonymous said...

I think she sounds wonderful, when you get to be her age, you should get to make the decisions that suit you..

pandy said...

I have the pleasure of working with a lot of the older ladies, and it always cracks me up when I read stories like this. My favourite gals are the ones who swear like sailors. :D

Jennifer said...

The $1.39 breakfasts made me crack up. I'm surprised Maggie didn't demand to see the receipt.

Also, my visual verification was "drones"

RuthB said...

lol bless her soul -- grumpy or not.

I just love hte bows ... lol

doris said...

Too much fun! I hope someone lets me do whatever I want if I make it to 89. We pretty much let my grandma do whatever she wanted. Well, we didn't let her drive, thank goodness.

Donna said...

Definitely ROFLMAO!

mainely stitching said...

What a wonderfully humorous way to look at it!

(If you find any buyers, let me know - I've got a character I would throw in for free!)

missy said...

Oh my thank you for the truly I laughed out load which takes a lot from me. I see your Old Lady and raise you 1 Mother In Law. Now if I wrote a poem about her....well maybe I better retreat before I get myself into troible. LOL


Aussie Stitcher said...

Bless your Aunt for buying Maggie the meals anyway. Did your Aunt and Uncle blow their tops over the bath stool? Maggie is a hoot. And she knows exactly what she wants and how to go about it!!!