Went to Maggie's to remove her orange toe polish on her impeccable pedicure (doctor's orders). Why is it that her pedicure lasts forever and mine already needs to be done again? Well, first of all, she's pissed because it has to be removed. She says that she can't see, but she can see well enough to criticize the job I'm doing. (Which by the way is turning my fingernails orange!) "Are you going to leave them like that?" she asks.
Maggie has a liquid that she needs to cleanse her hip area four times on before the surgery. As of 3:00 pm, she hadn't done it once. It was a good thing though because she asked me where her hip was. When I asked her to point to hers, she motioned towards her hoohah. After my quick anatomy lesson, I'm confident that she will do the job.
The other day, she couldn't take a shower because she didn't have any water. She called maintenance, and they rushed over even though it was Saturday. It was a quick fix, as she hadn't turned the directional knob.
She also recently misplaced the return envelope for her Comcast bill. I pointed out the address on the bill that she should send it to. Today, she had placed the bill in a small (not business-sized) envelope with a window. Good luck trying to get the address to show through. But that didn't matter, because after she wrote the check, she misplaced it. When she realized that the check was missing, she had torn open her Fair Point bill to make sure it wasn't in that envelope. When it wasn't, she sealed the envelope with tape. When I looked at it, I asked why it was sticky. She had used double sided tape*. I found the check in with some old receipts. But we still had the small window to deal with. (Needless to say, both bills and checks are with me waiting to be place in new envelopes before they have a chance to gum up the sorter at the post office.)
Oh and almost forgot, she can't turn on her TV in the bedroom (again). Every time we go over, we have to go through the paces of setting it up (again). When I tell her that she must be messing with, or rolling over on, the remote, she tells me that's impossible. The TV screws up on its own.
I hit Macy's and HomeGoods on the way home. Help, I'm running out of stores**.
*If, like me, you've used double sided tape on the underside of an envelope flap, don't be confused. She put it on the outside of the flap.
**For some reason, my aunt needs retail therapy after her encounters with Maggie. Gift certificates to help my aunt buy her sanity are welcome!
9 comments:
OMG, that's hilarious! It's terrible to get old. My dad manages to break the fax machine, the tv, the dvd player constantly and guess who has to try and fix it. I end up having cake and wine therapy. It's cheaper but means I have to go to the gym more often. We won't even talk about my mom. Yeesh!
I'm happy to hear that Maggie is out of surgery and doing well. Do you think Maggie has a long, lost sister? Could she be in SC?
Glad to hear that Maggie is out of surgery. I already see in myself the things that are so annoying about Maggie. I drive myself crazy constantly.
Glad to hear Maggie is doing well. Not being sure where your hip is can cause problems so I'm glad she's straight on that now!
My in-laws seem to have a thing with cameras - they buy at least 2-3 point-and-shoot ones a year because they can never get them to work or the batteries die or they forget to put the memory card in or they just lose them. And let's not get started on the remote for the TV/satellite/DVR !
Happy to hear that Maggie has made it through surgery with flying colors.
OMG - life with her must be a stitch.
I'm glad to hear Maggie made it through surgery and is doing well. LOL! Your aunt's letter cracks me up :)
Glad to hear that Maggie's surgery went smoothly. Your aunt's letter is hilarious! Family gatherings with your relatives must be fun!
Carolyn
Glad to hear the Maggie got through her surgery and is on the road to recovery. She is such a hoot.
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