Thursday, February 09, 2012

A Little Help Here

I am working on transforming worn out jeans into not-so-worn-out looking jean skirts. I continued to organize in the craft room by...ahem...sorting the boxes of pins. Now there are no miscellaneous boxes that house safety pins, straight pins, sewing needles, tapestry needles, and a stray button. Now they are all happily nestled into their own separate boxes. And peace shall reign on the second floor. The craft room still needs a good vacuuming though.

No stitching to share, but I do have a story about my eyes. Like most eyes their age, they need a visit to the ophthalmologist. I've been noticing that I need cheaters with all my projects lately, not just the small counts. I'm also having more trouble putting on eye makeup. I have one eye that sees near and one that sees far which works out well for the most part, until I go to put make up on the nearsighted eye. Then I end up with a thicker line on one eye and it's back and forth adding eyeliner until I get close enough...and look like Taylor Momsen. So the other day in the grocery store, I happened down the cleanser aisle and there hanging at eye-level was a magnifying mirror. I had been thinking of getting one because, let's face it, I can't spend all day putting on makeup.

So I look at my face in it. Then I close one eye to see how the making up would go in the mirror with that eye. Then I close the other. Then I notice that the mirror makes my pores look HUGE. And, what's that there? Are those the "fine lines" I've heard so much about? I reach up to touch my face and see a flicker out of the corner of my eye. I am no longer alone in the cleanser aisle. No, a man has just happened into the aisle. Dude, it's the middle of the day what are you even doing here and ohmygod how much of this have you witnessed? So of course, I start laughing at myself out loud just to draw attention to the fact that I am  a crazy woman obsessed with watching her rapidly aging face in a magnifying mirror.

Reader, I didn't buy it.

8 comments:

RuthB said...

lol my magnifying mirror is both my best friend and my worst enemy.... I think you should sneak back to the store in disguise -- possibly the old hat-and-sunglasses routine -- and bring that mirror home.

Waht I really want to know is what MIddle-of-the-Day Dude ws doing in the cleaning aisle? It's not like it's a gender that cleans as a rule.

doris said...

Whatever you do, do not look down into that good mirror!

(Extreme apologies to Dylan Thomas.)

Lying on your back and looking up into the mirror is a much more positive experience. Not that I've tried it, of course.

Deb said...

I'm laughing here. Dude in the aisle. I feel your pain about the sight thought. I finally had to succumb to glasses for distance and it hasn't been pretty. Like can't get the contact out of my eye and think I have to go to the emergency room. But a teenage friend is over who wisks the thing out in record time and makes me feel like a fool.

Those mirrors are frightening. I have one because I couldn't see straight to put on the eye makeup. Now I'm very wary of the thing. It just shows too much. I like Doris' idea of laying on the bed but it's hard to put on makeup with one hand holding the mirror and one with the eye liner stick - like do I stretch my eyelid out with my feet. I don't think they can reach up to my face any longer! It's hell getting old.

Frances said...

This is so funny! And I can't imagine why that Momsem woman CHOOSES to look like that!!! I'm sure it's a generational thing! Those mirrors are truly deadly! The last time we were in a hotel, my husband came out of the bathroom scowling and swearing. I couldn't imagine what was wrong--he muttered something about the mirror in the bathroom and how it was "set" to make you look bad! I called him vain but I really agreed with him--I had been in the bathroom earlier!

The Queen Bee said...

Sniff, sniff. I had to go get my glasses before I could finish reading your post. I'm sure you've made the font smaller in an attempt to make us feel your pain, right?

I got glasses for the first time this past fall. I was kind of feeling sorry for myself about that when the eye doctor said... you're 48. It's been a good run but now you'll need to wear glasses. I hate to admit that they've made a real difference.

What next?

Pam

Chocolates4Breakfast (TerriBoog) said...

I have to say, Doris' comment about your face looking better on your back also applies to sex. I'm just sayin'.

The Queen Bee said...

Ah, ha. Glad I came back to read the comment that came after mine. It would have been sad to miss that. It's Friday. It's been a loooong week so I'm taking every chuckle I can get.

Pam

Anna van Schurman said...

If I lay on my back, my boobs migrate to my armpits. Six of one, half dozen of another...