Interview II

Doaleigh says that my answers to the first two questions are cop outs. But really, I think it tells you a lot more about who I am that, given two options, I invent a third. I practically invented thinking outside the box. But I call it "chuzzwazza."

As for regrets, I think that all of the things I have done up until now, all of the people I have loved and lost and befriended, and the places I have been makes me who I am today. So why should I care that I once had a boyfriend who went to Europe and cheated on me with a German girl? I am so much better off without him. (The dude is taller, hotter, and nicer to me.) And I'm sure whathisface and that slut* are still very happy. (They got married.) Also, I am sure I learned a lesson from that relationship. What was it? Your mother is always right? Don't let other people make you feel bad about yourself? Don't shit where you eat? Yeah. I think it was that.

So I've sent out the questions. I was going to ask why the rhetoric of the last election focused so much on "small town America" when 0ver 80% of U.S. Americans live in cities or conurbations and nearly 90% of economic output comes from urban areas, but I thought that wasn't fair to my foreign friends who may have been unaware that Americans, generally, are idiots.


And I'm not sure it's fair to ask questions you don't answer yourself.

1. The local news media shows up on your doorstep. It turns out your neighbor is a serial killer. You cannot say, "He was so quiet. This is such a shock. This kind of thing doesn't happen here." What do you say? (You can choose the neighbor.)
Oooh. Who is it? Is it that guy who always comes running from his house to help when you have a flat tire or the car won't start? Is it the guy who is always telling us to get the township to plant a new tree in our yard? Or is it that woman who lives alone at #1? I'd want the dirt! Now you know why I wrote my dissertation about women who kill.

I'd probably say, "well, she didn't have fangs and 'monster' tattooed across her forehead if that's what you're asking." Because it does happen here. It happens everywhere. And often, they're just regular people.

2. What's the greatest invention created in your lifetime?
I think I have to say the magic google box. But is it the box? the internet? or Google? Yes.

3. What was your best job?
For 3 months, I inspected internal computer disks. I made a boatload of money for standing in front of a testing machine for 8-12 hours a day. But by the time school started back up, I was ready to be intellectually stimulated again. I think I like that schedule: several months of being intellectually stimulated mixed with weeks of low-stress, monotonous, high-paying work. Where do I sign up?

I'm not really sure in what way it is the best, but it's the first one that popped into my head.

4. Over the next 18 months, we're all likely going to have to cut back. Where will you make these cuts? What luxury will fight to save? Will you actually come to blows?
I think it's going to be eating out. We'll probably start bringing our lunch to work too. And more dried beans, especially if I am "at leisure." We may even have to (shock horror) budget. I may end up going to the mat over salted caramel hot chocolates if this cold weather holds though.

5. Are you a good speller?
I suck at spelling. Schwa sounds throw me for a loop. Is it an "a"? an "i"? an "e"? I drive the dude nuts asking him to spell simple words. But I know the words that give me trouble and I double check them. (That's where a lot of troubled spellers fall down.) I leave the autocorrect turned on the computer. And, perhaps ironically, I'm a good proof reader. Mostly because when I don't know--even if I'm just a bit unsure--I look it up.

*Only used for comic effect. I literally never thought of her, even during the breakup scenes. This was about him and me. Mostly him. No, just him.