Wednesday, July 28, 2004


I have just stitched a bit on the afghan. Life's been getting in the way. It will definitely be done before the end of the month though, and I will have completed all my stitching goals (yay!). I don't really have anything interesting to say today (or yesterday either) so I was scouring about to see if I could riff off something that was going on. I went through the creative chick webring. So many knitters! So many knitters bragging about doing stuff I can do, and I'm not even a very good knitter. (Not all of them on the webring; and indeed many accomplished knitters who blog. About the same proportion as beginning/accomplished stitchers who blog, probably. It's those in the middle who are unsure enough about what they know not to blog, maybe?) I suppose I should let them have their moment of pride. In some ways I'm a little jealous more people don't do counted thread work, a boom for the industry would be good for us all. On the other hand, a lot of knitting magazines have "dumbed down" and the experienced stitchers are being left out. We don't want that.

I've been reading the fora (I think that should probably be forums, but fora sounds prettier) at craftster. It's for crafty hipsters. I think I am officially too old to be a hipster, but these kids need help with their "embroidery, cross-stitch, and needlepoint." It's mostly newbies doing embroidery because it's retro and hip. And they don't know many stitches or where to find them on the internet or their libraries. How did I manage to learn as much as I did before the internet? Oh, right, it's not brain surgery.

Someone on the creative chick ring had done this. And now I have too.
100 Things About Me which will Tell You Nothing About Me
1. Are you an innie or an outie?
2. Have you ever worn bell-bottoms?
I was a child of an ultra-fashionable mother in the 70s. I had embroidered bell-bottoms. My favorites were the plaid corduroy elephant legs.
3. Have you ever written a song?
Yes. I think my first one was called “Snow White” it was for my never-formed all-girl punk band. “Some day, my prince will come/I’ll probably be 101/No money, no job/He’ll be a lazy slob.” Apparently, I cultivated cynicism rather early.
4. Can you make change for a dollar right now? No.
5. Have you ever been in the opposite sex's public toilet?
Too many times to count, for good and evil.
6. Have you ever smelled your own feet?
My feet reek. If I take off my shoes, everyone smells my feet.
7. Do you like ketchup on or beside your French fries? I don’t like ketchup.
8. Can you touch your tongue to your nose?
9. Have you ever been a boy/girl scout?
Yes, for two miserable weeks. We were sewing bean bags (4x4 square) for “retarded children”—that’s what we called them then—and I couldn’t figure out what they would want them for. I don’t care how diminished your brain capacity is, why do you want to play with dried beans sewed up in navy blue daisy fabric?
10. Have you ever broken a mirror?
I don’t recall.
11. Have you ever put your tongue on a frozen pole?
I grew up in NH and skied when I was drunk. What do you think?
12. What is your biggest pet peeve?
I am the queen of pet peeves. I hate when people say less when they mean fewer. (That’s why I lovelovelove Target; their express lane signs say “10 items or fewer.”) I hate when people confuse “loose” with “lose”—so many bloggers have that problem. It’s “not tight” and “not win/can’t find,” respectively (that means the first goes with the first…); do a grammar check, you’re on a fucking computer. I hate people who drive SUVs in the city, too, especially here in Los Angeles. I mean WTF do you need an SUV for? Negotiating washed out roads? Avoiding elk? ELF has the right idea.
13. Do you slurp your drink after it's gone?
No, I always leave a little, and according to my mother, leave the glass wherever I feel like it. "Half drunk glasses of water everywhere!" except in this New England accent, so there are no "r"s.
14. Have you ever blown bubbles in your milk? I refused to drink milk as a child.
15. Would you rather eat a Big Mac or a Whopper?
I have a wheat allergy so I have to go to In-n-Out for an animal and protein style double-double.
16. Have you ever gone skinny-dipping?
I’ve never been comfortable enough in my body for that kind of thing.
17. When you are at the grocery store, do you ask for paper or plastic?
I ask for both; we use them for the garbage.
18. True or False: You would rather eat steak than pizza.
19. Did you have a baby blanket?
I suppose my mother used blankets on me when I was a baby, but I didn’t drag one around like my sister did. (She carried hers until she was old enough to embroider her name on it.)
20. Have you ever tried to cut your own hair? No, but I let one of my friends cut “steps” into the back of my hair when I was 18. It looked really cool, you know, for the 80s.
21. Have you ever sleepwalked? No.
22. Have you ever had a birthday party at McDonalds? Mine was at Burger King.
23. Can you flip your eye-lids up?
Everyone can; it’s a matter of wanting to.
24. Are you double jointed? I can hyperextend my thumbs and bend down the first joint of all my fingers. My pinkies get to 90 degrees.
25. If you could be any age, what age would you be? 28, but only if I didn't have to go back to grad school.
26. Have you ever gotten gum stuck in your hair? Not that I recall.
27. Have you ever thrown-up after a roller coaster ride?
No, I love roller coasters.
28. What is your dream car?
When I was a kid, I had a fear of driving (which I’ve gotten over). I imagined a car that had a computer: you’d stick in a card (that was how computers worked then) that said where you were going, and it took you there. I understand we’re getting closer.
29. What is your favorite cartoon of all time? Scooby Doo
30. Would you go swimming in shallow waters where, one year earlier, a shark had attacked a child? Yes, but first I’d throw in a child.
31. How many cavities do you have? None, they’re all filled.
32. Have you ever eaten a dog biscuit? No, but I made out with a boyfriend after he ate (dry) dog food. Close enough for government work.
33. If you were in a car sinking in a lake, what would you do first?
Unfasten my seat belt.
34. Have you ever ridden in an ambulance? Yes, in Poland.
35. Can you pick something up with your toes? I have the best toes, yes.
36. How many remote controls do you have in your house? 4
37. Have you ever fallen asleep in school?
Yes, before I was diagnosed with asthma, they thought my cough was curable with codeine. And then there was the time in college when I signed up for literature of the Industrial Revolution from 3:15-4:30.
38. How many times have you flown in an airplane in the last year? 12
39. How many foreign countries have you visited? 23
40. If you were out of shape, would you compete in a triathlon if you were somehow guaranteed to win a big, gaudy medal?
Not for a medal, but I would for money.
41. Would you rather be rich and unhappy, or poor and happy?
Just like I am, poorish and happyish.
42. If you fell into quicksand, would you try to swim or try to float?
Whichever one is the one that gets me out.
44. Do you ask for directions when you are lost? What else would I do? Intuit it?
45. Have you ever had a Mexican jumping bean?
Yes, when I was little (5ish) my mother’s cousin Danny bought some for me. They were really kind of boring.
46. Are you more like Cinderella or Alice in Wonderland?
I'm more like the wicked step-mother.
47. Would you rather have an ant farm with no ants or a box of crayons with broken points? Crayons. I am a crafty chick.
48. Do you prefer light or dark bread? I can’t eat bread.
49. Do you prefer scrambled or fried eggs?
It’s a toss up.
50. Have you ever been in a car that ran out of gas? At least once. This very kind woman stopped to help me; she was returning the favor since someone had helped her once. When I got back to the car with some gas, a cop was there to give me hell for being on a curve in the road. Like you choose where you run out of gas. Yelling at me probably gave him a hard-on.
51. Do you talk in your sleep?
Yes. Usually I have coherent conversations with people who approach me after I’ve been asleep for a while, followed by no recollection of the conversation. Once my husband’s pillow had fallen between the bed and the wall and he asked where it was. I replied, “Under your head.” This cracks him up, still.
52. Would you rather shovel snow or mow the lawn?
Mow the lawn. Cut grass smells great. Snow is really heavy and cold.
53. Would you rather be bitten by a poisonous snake or constricted by a python?
54. Have you ever played in the rain?
Lots of times. The best time was when I was in Italy and our room opened onto a roof. We danced in the rain in our nighties.
55. Which do you think is more dangerous: an angry bear or a hungry white shark?
Angry bear.
56. Would you climb a very high tree to save a kitten?
No, that’s why we have firemen. Mmmm, firemen.
57. Can you tell the difference between a crocodile and an alligator? Theoretically, I know the differences but if I were up close and I wasn’t in a zoo, I don’t think I’d much care.
58. Do you drink Pepsi or Coke? Diet coke.
59. What’s your favorite number? 6.
60. If you were a car, would you be an SUV or a sports car?
I get way better gas mileage than either.
61. Have you ever accidentally taken something from a hotel?
62. Would you blow your nose at the dinner table?
What, in the linen napkin?
63. Have you ever slipped in the bathtub?
In the bathtub, in the shower, on the stairs; I’ve had the best bruises.
64. Do you use regular or deodorant soap? I buy what is on sale.
65. Have you ever locked yourself out of the house?
Many, many times.
66. Would you rather make your living as a singing cowboy or as one of the Simpsons’ voices? Can anyone make a living as a singing cowboy any more?
67. If you could invite any celebrity to your home for dinner, who would it be?
I don’t think that many celebrities are that interesting. Could Phil Gordon come over and teach me Omaha?
68. Have you ever gotten a truck driver to honk his horn?
At me, or for me?
69. Which would you rather live with: a huge nose or crossed eyes?
70. Would you hang out with someone your best friend didn't like?
Have done.
71. Would you hang out with someone your best friend liked, but you didn't like?
I’d avoid it as much as possible.
72. Have you ever returned a gift?
73. Would you give someone else a gift that had been given to you?
I did just recently.
74. If you could attend an Olympic Event, what would it be?
All the sports I’m interested in aren’t represented in the Olympics. I’d go to any event just to avoid those horrible, sappy portraits NBC does for the little women who don’t like to watch yucky sports. (I hate NBC.) Oh, I do like Olympic Hockey better than the NHL.
75. How many pairs of shoes do you own? Over 40.
76. If your grandmother gave you a gift that you already have, would you tell her? Yes, how else would she know?
77. Do you sing in the car? Of course.
78. Would you rather jump into a dumpster or into a vat of honey?
What am I diving for in the Dumpster?
79. What is your favorite breed of dog? Lab.
80. Would you donate money to feed starving animals in the winter?
Wild animals? No, because we have to let nature work. I would give money for shelter animals, though; they’re in there because of evil people.
81. If you were a bicycle, would you be a stingray or a mountain bike? Isn’t this the sports car/SUV question for the self-propelled?
82. What is your least favorite fruit? Grapefruit.
83. What kind of fruit have you never had? Prickly Pear.
84. If you won a $5,000 shopping spree to any store, which store would you pick? I think I’d put it on a horse at the Breeder’s Cup. I don’t need $5K worth of anything. Okay, furniture, something from Pompanoosuc Mills.
85. What brand sports apparel do you wear the most? Champion.
86. Are/were you a good student?
87. Among your friends, who could you arm wrestle and beat?
All of my girlfriends, I think.
88. If you had to choose, what branch of the military would you be in? Air Force.
89. Would you ever parachute out of a plane?
See, if you haven’t done it, why would you say you would? You haven’t chosen to thus far. I do think it would be exciting, but it’s pretty spendy.
90. What do you think is your best feature?
Tits. So much for being uncomfortable in my body.
91. If you were to win a grammy, what kind of music would it be for?
Spoken word.
92. What is your favorite season?
The moment when summer turns into fall.
93. How many members do you have in your immediate family? 4.
94. Which of the five senses is most important to you? Sight.
95. Would you be a more successful painter or singer? Painter; dude, I cannot sing.
97. How many years will/did you end up going to college?
4 for undergrad and 11 for grad school.
98. Have you ever had surgery? I had my wisdom teeth removed in the hospital.
99. Would you rather be a professional figure skater or professional football player?
Football! I love football. I was a cheerleader in high school so I could watch football. I was too short to play in high school and Title IX hadn’t trickled down to Pop Warner when I was that age.
100. What do you like to collect? I have a shot glass collection, but now I’m thinking less is more.

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