Happy birthday, Maggie! It's my grandmother's birthday, and I will be delivering your cards later today. Thank you again for sending them. My grandmother has a lot of little sayings and phrases that she uses. In honor of her birthday, my sister and my cousin helped me compile a dictionary of her argot.
"God bless your pointed little head"--I have no idea what that thing you just said means, so I will pretend that you are stupid.
"May I say this to you about that?"--I'm about to say something to you that is mean and perhaps hurtful, but there's nothing you can do about that now.
"I must be a bad person."--What she says in response when you make fun of her or respond in kind to the above statement. Also, "I must be a terrible person."
"That's not for me." -- Slightly more polite than I don't like it.
"Let's take our time and enjoy this meal."--I'm having two martinis before we start dinner.
"You could use a little color."--Put on some make-up. Also, "You could use a little color in your face."
"I don't eat like you people."--You eat too much; order something I like so I can pick off your plate.
"Where's all your beautiful jewelry."--You are underaccessorized; put on some jewelry. Also, "Where's all that beautiful jewelry your father gave you?"
"Is that the style?" Usually asked when she disapproves of something a young person is wearing.
"I, myself, do not drink."--Is this a dry house? Where's my drink? Also, when directed at my cousin, join me in a drink.
Make today a Maggie Tuesday! Go have a martini in a glass that matches your outfit. Cheers!