Get a Load of that Dame!

Faithful reader Kristen, sent along this delightful bit. It's about celebrity stitching. Hell it's about Dame Judi Dench. She's a cross-stitcher. I knew I loved her. But wait, it gets better:

But perhaps the most arresting memory that they take away from being on set with living legend Judi Dench is not her boundless fascination with acting but her penchant for subversive needlework. Her work certainly did not resemble the delicately stitched roses of a Mrs. Bennet. "She makes these like needlework embroideries on set in the tedium of filming", says (Matthew) MacFadyen, "but they are all: 'You Are a Cunt*'. And she gives them as presents. And it's Dame Judi Dench. And she is doing this beautifully, intricate, ornate (work). You kind of see the work materializing as the shoot goes on. Like: 'You Are a Fucking Shit.' Knightley never received her embroidered cushion from Dench but remarks: "I love that! She gives this fantastic air. She just sits there and she embroiders and you think: 'Oh, that's so nice! It's Judi Dench. It's so quaint; she's embroidering a cushion,' and you go: 'What are you embroidering?' And (it says): 'Fuck!' Apparently she's got hundreds of them just covered in swear words or rude sayings."

Kristen sent this to me from the Groupthink blog which links to the longer article that was in Premier Magazine in 2005.

Love that dame!

*This is different-ish in British than in American. It’s offensive in both languages (just ask me about the time I was explaining the difference to one of the dude’s friend’s parents!) but it is reserved for women in American in a way it is not in British. It’s also a little less horrible in British.

Dirty Linen

The dude and I left the house this weekend and went to a birthday party for Sissy's friend, Marebear. She had given me this apron a while back to stitch up for her. I thought I couldn't get to it in time, but then I just sat down and did it. When I studied the apron carefully, I realized it was linen. I know what to do with linen!

The dude helped with the layout of the daisies. That's why there are so many. Lots of miscommunication. "Here?" "Yeah, two there." {stitches two daisies} "I kind of meant more over there." Until we ended up with what you see here.

So anyway, I've been thinking about opening a little shop with "dirty linens." Now I just have to come up with some sayings for bed sheets, pillows, kitchen towels, etc. Of course, when I suggested this at the party Sissy and Marebare told me not to worry about that end of the business--they have it covered.

I tucked a little something inside the box with the apron:

I was at Wegman's in the international food aisle, looking for some "tastes of home" to stick in the dude's Christmas stocking. Suddenly, I found myself in Jamaica where "Cock flavoured soup mix" was on offer. There are so many reasons to giggle over that. Fortunately, everyone did. Even though we were among the youngest people at the party, the dude and I were the only ones who didn't look at our handhelds even once during the party. We're just so unimportant. But frankly, far more interesting.

Stay Sweet!

My sister and cousin are pigs. I'm not telling tales out of school, they'll tell you themselves how dirty they are. And then, if you're really lucky, they will prove it to you. So when I sent them a link to Locher's directing them to this shirt, I wasn't that surprised when my cousin bought not one but two shirts there. (Oh, she forgot to show them to us last night. Boo!) I had thought Sissy and I could pitch in for a shirt for her birthday which was Friday, April 13. Once she had filled her shopping cart with dirty embroidery, I thought I might make her Amy Butler's cafe apron. Then I realized I was a week away and I there was no way I could order the pattern then take on a project like that at the last minute.

Instead, I walked over to Tips Uniforms last week, found an apron I really liked, and spent some quality time on Sunday embroidering that something special on it for her. She loved it!

Note the new fridge in the background--so tall, so white, so dent-free.

So empty!

Dirty Stitchers

I love having access to a university library. You can go to the electronic resources and find articles from the The Dominion Post (Wellington, NZ). Back in July, they reported on a group show "Done Dirt Cheap."

The crafts of cross-stitch and crochet, usually associated with suburban mothers and grandmothers, have been adapted to sexual themes, with the exhibition's curator happy that her own work is labelled pornography.

The group show Done Dirt Cheap, which opened last week, features work by eight artists, five Kiwis and three Britons. Works include a crocheted penis and several cross-stitch designs depicting sex acts. Curator Angela Meyer, who made the cross-stitch works, said her work was harder than mere erotica: "It's pretty explicit stuff. It will be really interesting to see how it goes in New Zealand and see whether people embrace it or go: 'This is outrageous!'"

Ms Meyer, 29, learned to cross-stitch when she was a child. She was impressed by "the beautiful threads" for sale in Wellington craft stores, but "the patterns were just naff [nb: American readers, "unstylish, cliched, outmoded"] ...I'm not really a puppies and baskets kind of gal."

Where to start with such riches? First, I'm really tired of people thinking that all cross-stitch is puppies and country-style geese. I know some of it is, especially if you are only looking in the big box craft stores. I also have a sneaking suspiscion, based on what I see in the imported craft magazines, that a lot of what is available outside the U.S. is indeed naff. But I'm not going to knock my international readers for doing it, so I'll leave it at that.

We also have to do something, as young, hip, urban stitchers--and I know some of you reading this are--to change the idea that people who cross-stitch are suburban mothers and grandmothers! I'm pushing for the stitch n' bitch for um, real stitchers. (Knitting just isn't stitching to me. Stitching has needles with eyes. Try to convince me otherwise.) So go to meetup and sign up.

And what's with the idea that grandmothers aren't hot for porn? Apparently when you get old you dry up. Just check out what one old bastard's up to. Scroll down, all the way down. I'm warning you, they're nude. Of course this is erotica and the aforementioned material depicts "sex act." Now why can't I find that on the internet?

You probably expect some kind of feminist rant against porn, but I ain't your girl. "Outrageous" indeed.