2002

I have not stitched any of these either. Why I am so excited about getting more patterns? I haven't even done the ones I have.

After 5 years, many people have run out of good Christmas stories; unfortunately for the dear reader, they are foisting the bad ones on us. Just send in a damn recipe, people! That way we don't have to hear the pointless Christmas tales spun by people who work far better with needle and floss than pen and paper.

In this issue, I have marked 26 of the 76 for stitching. There's one that needs to be stitched for all your feminist friends. Sisters and Best Friends (I swear, I am not on their payroll) have created "Peace on Earth, Goodwill toward Women." And for all you feminists who have materialist relatives, you can stitch Meg Thompson Shinall's sampler: "Just send the five gold rings and cancel the rest of my true love's order." But please, Shinall must have a recipe she can send, instead of some pointless story about putting Christmas adornments on her cats. Really. Terry Nolan of Dimples Designs has contributed his first ornament; it's an antique Santa in browns. No Christmas story from Nolan, although he's not that bad of a writer. You’ll know it if you've stitched any of that Professor Fizzby series. Rae Iverson can write too; she's got a master's degree in English--medieval, I think. Her contribution of ski hats (the ornaments) this year was a bit, well, different, and the story just went on and on. At least I don't have to research it to make sure it's accurate. (I'm not dropping the Christmas Clown thing.)

Several cats this year, but you know I need those for my framer (Casual Cat in Amherst, NH). And another Moose: "Merry Mooseness." Do these people who make the moose ornaments not get how language works? It's a social contract, dammit! We have to all be in on the joke, or it's not a joke, see?

Perhaps you think I should be harder on the thistle ornament, but I won't do it. My MIL is Scottish, and anything I can do for her is good stuff. Lauren Sauer, who may be the craziest stitcher outside the asylums, keeps the "true meaning" of Christ-mas in all her designs. Even though she believes that Jesus spent his "lost years" in England, I can't make fun of her designs. The one in the 2002 edition is a sweet boy carrying a star on a pole. I'm sure she's done her research as she explains that in European villages of old a small boy lead the procession of the faithful to services on Christmas Eve, his star symbolizing the one that brought the wise men to Bethlehem. It's not for me, but it's very pretty.