Thursday, December 24, 2009

Happy Fucking Holidays

This was my to do list yesterday:
  1. drop off donation at Goodwill
  2. pick up lobsters at Wegmans
  3. return at Steinmart (same mall as above)
  4. pick up framing at Strawberry Sampler
  5. grocery store
  6. make lobster stew (it has to sit overnight)
  7. wrap presents
  8. maybe work on Stash and Dash bags
I walked the dog, popped her into her crate, loaded up the car, and away I go. Goodwill, check. Wegman's, after some hemming and hawing, I get the kid in charge of the seafood department. "I called you about an hour ago. I guess you had just left. The lobsters didn't come in, but they'll be here by 2:00 (in two hours)." "And then they need to be steamed..." "That'll take about 20 minutes. I'll call you when they get here." "No," I say cheerily, "Call me when they are ready." "Thanks for your patience," he says. "It's okay. I have other errands to do here."

So I sit down to a fine Wegman's lunch. Then I walk over to AC Moore--the dude had asked me to get some boxes for the fudge he made. Then I walk to the other end of the mall to Steinmart. I make my return and look for jeans because I want a new pair for the trip. While I'm wandering around, I decide to buy a gift for my fil and bil. Then I notice a pair of pajamas with a fleecy top. Just yesterday the dude tells me the jersey that goes with his flannel pj bottoms is too thin. Wow, I am scratching things off the list!

I wandered into DSW next because one of the pairs of black shoes I bought from Zappos is too small. I find myself a pair of closed back style clogs and black winter boots. (Mine are brown and I'm going with a black wardrobe for England.) And I find a pair of winter boots for the dude, which he told me he needed on Monday. (Because he cannot anticipate clothing needs.) This is great!

At 2:20, I wander back into Wegman's and pick up the rest of the stew items and something premade for dinner. There's a voicemail for me; my lobsters are ready.

Again, they can't find my order and don't seem to know what's going on. Another kid comes back and says they found them, do I want them steamed? "They'd better be steamed." I say. Kid wanders off. "Good news. We steamed ten in case you wanted more than eight." I say, "I didn't order eight lobsters, I ordered lobsters to make the equivalent of eight pounds of meat." More wandering off. He comes back, "Good news. Seven lobsters equals eight pounds." (Anyone who knows anything about lobsters knows this is very bad news indeed.) "I don't want eight pounds of lobster. I want eight pounds of lobster meat." "Oh, I don't know how to figure that out." "What I want you to do," I say remarkably sweetly, "is to find someone who knows and bring him to me." He consults with the kid in charge (kic) who goes back to the order books. Suddenly the kic is by my side with frozen lobster meat. "I'm so sorry about this screw up. We just didn't get our order of lobsters and we went to another store and they got the wrong thing. You know, you're doing this the expensive way. We're halfway through your order and your total is over $100." "Yes," I respond, "I do this every..." "Every year," he says. (Every other year, I think. But still I remember it's $200 worth of lobster.) "If it's okay," he says, "I'm going to give you the difference in frozen meat." We use frozen meat all the time, so I'm fine with that and at last, I'm going to get my lobster and go home to my dog who has now been crated for four hours, and I still have a 40 minute drive. Then he makes it clear, they are giving me almost four pounds of frozen lobster meat free.

That was annoying but worked out in the end, I think as I drive home.

I take the dog out to play in the yard when I get home, then set to work breaking open ten tiny lobsters (which yielded just over four pounds of meat--almost not worth it as any New Englander knows.) It took me over an hour just to do that step. The stew is simmering when the dude gets home. We eat. He tends to his fudge. He tends to the gift for my sister that arrived from Walmart in a wet box. (From the cleaner that leaked inside the packaging.)

We sit down to watch A Christmas Carol (Patrick Stewart, my favorite) and I finally feel a small flicker of Christmas spirit inside me. (I did put up the wreath and a few snowman decorations.)

As I lay in bed, running over the lists of things yet to be done before I leave the country (in three days!) I realize I forgot to go to the Strawberry Sampler where my mother's and my sister's gifts await. I burst into tears. The dude went to the computer to check to see if I could pick them up today, but you know I wouldn't have told you this whole story if there were a happy ending. Because this will be my most miserable Christmas ever. Sigh.

Photo stolen from Subversive Cross Stitch Web site. Go there. Buy something to make up for my bad behavior.

16 comments:

Catherine said...

Oh no!!!! I just don't know what to say...........that completely sounds like something I would do as the boys keep me sooo distracted with things.

I hope this really won't be the most miserable Christmas ever!

Donna said...

I'm so sorry. But your mother and sister love you and will forgive you. Now forgive yourself!

My Christmas mix up involved addressing two packages incorrectly. Our niece got package going to my sister's house and vice versa.See them posting about on facebook... My sister had to call me up last night to crow about my mistake. If that's the worst thing I did, I'll consider this season a success.

Happy Christmas Eve!

Donna said...

most likely it will be the most memorable, and it can go only up hill from here so cheer up. Ypu made it past that day, have a Merry Christmas

Donna said...

Wish there was a spell check. opps :)

Nic said...

That's a bit of a bugger - after you put all that work in too.

Perhaps you'll have to have another little Christmas when you get back?

(word verification - fatedic - trying to tell you something?)

Alice said...

Oh crud. That is most annoying! Perhaps you could print a picture of your mom's and sister's gifts and wrap a small box of truffles with a note saying they will get the actual gift as soon as you get home from your trip. Snafus happen all the time and you have a whole lot of stuff on your plate right now. I'd forgive and sympathize if I was your mom or sister. I'd be grateful to have a mom or sister to forgive! You will have a wonderful Christmas in the end. I love Patrick Stewart too.

valerie said...

Sounds like a busy day! Sorry about the Strawberry Sampler snafu but I'm sure your mom and sister will forgive you and be ecstatic when they receive their gifts. Merry Christmas!

Xeyedmary said...

Crrrraapp! (In a Scottish brogue)
So sorry for you. Will a few cocktails help?
Try to have a merry Christmas- your mom & sister will forgive you.
I'm jealous you have a husband that actually MAKES & packs his own gifts. Where can I get me one of those???

Anonymous said...

Ah, what a shame, after all your hard work too! If it makes you feel any better, last year we drove over to see my folks on Boxing Day (they live an hour away)....without their Christmas presents, which we'd put in the bottom of our wardrobe for safekeeping :(

I'm sure your mom and sister will love their gifts whether they get them tomorrow or later and it just gives them something to look forward to :)

Karen

Lee said...

Darlin', ANYONE would appreciate ANYTHING that was stitched and framed by you and given to them ANY DAY of the year. If you forget anything, don't forget that!

So - Don't sweat it. These things happen. Merry Christmas and safe travels!

Caroline said...

Ah - jeez. I'm very sorry, but at least you're happy to be spending time with your family right? I'd give anything to not have to spend the next two days with my mother. If she corrects my daughter's behaviour one more time I'm going to take up smoking again. Enjoy the lobster, and give Stella a kiss.

mymarkdesigns said...

Oh no :( That totally sounds like something I'd do. It can only go uphill from here, right?

Doesn't the weight depend on how skinny or fat the lobsters are? I don't eat them but that sounds like a very difficult task to me... I guess I'd fit right in with those guys who didn't know anything LOL

We watched the Patrick Stewart version last night, too... it's the best one.

Have a Merry Christmas, in spite of it all!

Melissa said...

Oh No!!!!! I feel your pain, the heartbreak, but your mom and sister know you love them and they'll be getting presents when no one else is so they are extra special. Work with me ok? They will understand. Or I'm sure they did understand.

Hope you all had a lot of fun, from the picture in your most recent post it looks like everyone had a blast.

Safe travels!

Rachel S said...

I'm sorry to hear about your messed up day.

Miriam said...

Oh no. I know that feeling. Did I mention I screwed up my aunt's gifts irreparably four days before leaving to go to the family get together? I brought them to Jeff sobbing saying how I was never going to make anything again. The aunts, it turned out, were perfectly happy I was just there.

Jenna said...

Sorry to read about the framing debacle. I wish that it had worked out otherwise; I totally would have cried my eyes out. :( I'm sure that everything else worked out just fine, though. I can't wait to read or hear an update about how your trip went!