Monday, January 14, 2008

Part of the Production Line

I'm not a giant fan of working. I know a lot of people love their jobs. (Love in itals definitely!) I have never been in love with a job, and I can't imagine finding a job I bounce out of bed to go to every day. I've been working since I was 14; that's 27 years of work experience. And outside the first month or two of every job, I have really not enjoyed it (except teaching; in that case, there was no honeymoon period). There have been jobs I liked. There have been certain parts of jobs that I really relished, but there was always something that made the rest of the job drudgery, like a horrible manager, or the fact that most of the jobs have been in nonprofits where incompetents are rewarded, or tedious assignments, or a bipolar coworker who attempts suicide when you're the only one around. So, yeah, like, work not so much.

I've come to realize that I need a new job. Between my boss's new boss changing the environment and the big grand boss preventing us from moving forward on a couple of majorly important projects, I need to be someplace else. So I met with a woman who is a principle in a small business that provides writing and design services to organizations like the one where I currently work; she knows everyone around. She offered me a job, but it would be freelance. I couldn't be a freelancer. I'm the kind of person who needs to know exactly how much money is coming in every month. Besides, I cannot be relied upon to do work outside of an office. I saw how the dissertation writing went until I moved into the library to finish it. That goes for owning my own business too because she tried to tell me that I should make a business out of my hobbies, like owning a needlework shop (HA!) or selling my needlework (HAHAHA). Both my parents have owned small businesses and my mother's was a quilt shop, so I have a lot of firsthand experience with that. Not enough money, too many headaches.

Then she told me that I should find a similar job in a different organization (she's not that impressed with my organization either) and write a book. Because she's been writing a novel and it has Changed Her Life! (She did very nicely say that my writing deserves a larger audience.) I'm skeptical; I've written (though not published) a book, and god that's so much work. And for what? Inner fulfillment? Fame? Certainly not the money. If I didn't want to travel, I honestly would live on a commune of two, living off the land and baking my own bread, bartering to get the things we needed. Unfortunately, airlines really hate bartering, and I'm not so sure the dude shares my interest in bread baking. There are, I suppose, more than a few reasons not to go all Ted Kaczynski. I hate when I get this way, and I get this way every time I need to look for a new job. It’s like my inner critic takes over my whole brain. There are so many downsides to every suggestion that I just want to withdraw from the workforce. I don't think I'm asking for suggestions. In fact, best not offer any. Just offer me your love...



Sorry about that, but I've become obsessed. Stitching content: I started Hillside Samplings' Folk Art Threadkeep. Photo when it looks like something.

14 comments:

Annemarie said...

Okay, I won't make a suggestion as to a possible new job. And I'm with you on the freelancing front. I'm a freelancer, and that's why I'm sitting here, in the middle of the freakin' night - 1 am - writing comments while I should be working. I hereby offer you my love.

Casa Pearl said...

Sending good job thoughts for you out into the atmosphere. Good luck!

Kathryn said...

Like most of us, the devil you know is somehow better than the devil you don't know. It takes an awful lot of angst for us to change our situations, so don't beat yourself up for feeling bad. If you didn't feel so bad, you wouldn't be looking around for something better. Just jump and at least you will have those two months (and hopefully a LOT longer) to enjoy being away from where you are now.

Kim Ayres said...

There's always the lottery. I don't know what it's like in the US, but in the UK it's only a 1 in 14 million chance of winning...

xsquared said...

I'm with Kim Ayres - LOTTO! All you need is a dollar and a dream ;)

C in DC said...

I'm right there with you, sister. Good luck figuring out how you're going to handle it.

riona said...

I rarely offer love to strangers ... will empathy do? I am in much the same place ... loving parts of my job but dealing with the frustration of diminishing returns [ine the way of personal satisfaction] as the job becomes less creative and more administrative with a new piece being added to the job description every other month or so. A big lottery win sounds as good as it sounds improbable. Let's split a ticket.

riona

Barbara said...

DH and I are in the same boat. Feel the love, baby.

Geggie said...

I do love my job, but when I say I love my job it's because I must work (no trust fund), so it's all relative. If I had a choice, I'd stay home, blog, read, cook, travel, etc.

Ok...I want to hear more about Thailand...can you share?

Jacque said...

Oh man...I so feel you..sending mega love in your direction!

I'm in a very similar situation as is my husband. I think we've just about got him off the path of needing a valium to go to work, then it's my turn! : )

Ruth said...

Yup, work sucks. Says it all. I wish I had a solution. I wish you luck and possibly miracles.

Sell your stitching..... lol

Jenna said...

Yeah, I've never been a huge fan of work, either. Sending positive thoughts your way.

Anonymous said...

Let's admit it, we only go there for the paycheck, sigh!!

Feeling for you....

xxxx
Coral

Michelle said...

I know what you mean. I've been needing to get out of my job and move on to greener pastures since they promoted someone over me and then had me train her. Unfortunately for me, the big hammer of the Universe took care of it for me. So, now I am looking for a new job - but doing what? What was your book about?