Patience: Stitching Bloggers QOTW

Do you feel cross stitching requires patience?
When I was small, I was always throwing tantrums. I was a masterful door slammer and quite the stair stomper too. My mother said I had no patience. You know how that goes. You become the "one" that has no patience. Thirty-odd years later my cousin is the clumsy one and my sister is the athletic one and I have no patience. In the mid-1970s, my mother tried to teach me bargello to increase my patience, but the belt project just ended up being thrown about the room. So it makes me laugh, laugh, laugh when people say "you must have so much patience" as they give me that beatific look reserved for women who stitch. You know, the one that's a cross between "aren't you a dear" and "you must be mildly retarded to spend all your time doing that."

If they could have seen me last night when I was near completion on the "tree of life band" in Drawn Thread's Birth Band Sampler only to realize that that whole band was one stitch too far to the right. Of course I spent much time examining the "fudge factor"--you know, how can I put this right with a few extra stitches? DH said he couldn't see any problem with it. Well, of course not. It's 36 stitches to the inch; the human eye isn't that discerning from across the room. (You know, the normal human eye...) And then I spent nearly the whole of And Then There Were None taking it all out. Since this is the last project on my August list, I was really hoping to get much further--like to the point where I need to know the kid's name (because that band is right in the middle. Because this fetus will have 3 names if female and 4 if male, I really need to know the name to continue). And all I had (have?) to do to get to that point is two bands--about 40x50. Undeterred, I figure out the problem and start stitching again. Get to the last leaf across the top, and realize it's off by one again. This time, I hadn't stitched the whole thing. But I did throw it down in disgust. Oh right, I have patience.

Subversive Stitches

Remember back on July 28th (I looked it up) I complained about knitting being more mainstream than needlework? (To be honest, I think I complain about that more often, but we'll go with the most recent.) Subversive Cross-stitch is doing lots to change that. I love the divergence between form and function--the way that your gramma's country cross-stitch cows and bunnies are subverted by your teenage cousin's attitude. So I bought three: Happy Holidays, Go Fuck Yourself, and Bitch Bitch Bitch, which is, of course, only to be expected. Julie's work is heading to the mainstream via Target.com and Urban Outfitters. Target.com is carrying the less offensive ones, "Whatever" and "Get Lost." Urban Outfitters, however, has balls. With any luck people will begin to see that stitching doesn't have to be all cutesy-cutesy, and as one person who found out that I stitched told me, tacky. Now, if only Julie at Subversive Cross-stitch would sell patterns only; use linen; and take the designs up a notch in difficulty. Well, I had to bitch about something.

What kind of bitch am I?


Sarcasta-Bitch: Well aren't you the clever one? you
have a witty answer for everything and that's
why you've been labled as a bitch. But always
remember there's always someone out there who's
more sarcastic than you (me for example) but
keep up the good work.


What kind of bitch are you??
brought to you by Quizilla

Lynne Cheney

According to The Gay & Lesbian Review Worldwide, For Art's Sake (a publisher) has canceled plans to reissue a racy novel by Lynne Cheney (as in Vice President Evil Incarnate Cheney). They were going to reprint her historical romance Sisters (1981) that included "brothels, attempted rapes, and a lesbian love affair, but reversed itself at the last minute." They give us this juicy quote from the book:

Let us go away together, away from the anger and the imperatives of men. There will be only the two of us, and we shall linger through long afternoons of sweet retirement. In the evenings I shall read to you while you work your cross-stitch in the firelight. And then we shall go to bed, our bed, my dearest girl. (emphasis added)

Okay, this woman has a Ph.D. in history and she really thinks we torture ourselves with stitching by firelight? Even "back in the day" most women did their needlework out of doors and in the daylight hours. You know, until they invented electricity. Don't believe me?

A Penguin worker-bee explained that the cancellation was prompted by the lack of artistic value: not Cheney's "best work." And nothing to do with the election, I'm sure. We can take heart that the controversy has stimulated interest in the book. The amazon reviews are fucking priceless! Check out the e-bay auction where a signed paperback is at $255 (auction ends in 4 days). Even better the "text has been given a new life in a satirical reading at the New York Theatre Workshop." Oh, how I miss New York.

If you want to read Sisters along with "Mrs. Tarquin Biscuitbarrel" check it out.

Off again, on again

I know I have a cross-stitch rotation that I am supposed to be sticking to so I can clear up some of these UFOs, but Christmas is Coming! Like many of you, I try to make too many of my presents, so I always start in August. To be fair to myself, however, I have made it most of the way through the rotation and there are 6 days left in August. I only have one project that I need to do ten hours on--Drawn Thread's Baby Band Sampler. I referred earlier to having made a rotation for the Christmas presents; here it is.

September
MIL, booga bag
SIL2, Sophie bag
baby, baby blanket (Leisure Arts "Precious Layettes"--gag)
SIL1, hat (pattern in Vogue Knitting on the Go: Caps and Hats)

October
sissy, poncho (pattern in new Woman's Day) (Please don't tell people I read it.)
cuz1, Glory Bee "Martini"
cuz2, scarf
mom, Heinz-It "Shoes" finished as flat fold
aunt1, afghan

November
gran2, scarf
greataunt, scarf
cuz3, scarf
aunt1, booga bag (Aunt One has a birthday on December 27)

Here's the exciting part. Instead of finishing my August stitching rotation, I've started working on the knitting. I've finished my sil's hat. I'm nearly done on the Sophie--ran out of yarn, even though I checked the gauge. And I'm 25% through the baby blanket. So, I'm flying right through this stuff. My signal success is that I got the Dude to actually think about presents for his family two months in advance, rather than having him wait until the week after the mailing deadline. (They're in England. Surface mail has to be sent in October.) So we have ideas for the men who received scarves last year. Still have to think about the nephews, though. They have so much stuff, and they live in one of those tiny English places with no place for stuff. And the clothes! Between the 7 sets of aunts and uncles those kids are well provided for.

Just the Facts Ma'am

I was reading my alumni magazine the other day and in this article, they have a rather strange definition of cross-stitch:

During down times, Garrett would practice her favorite hobby: cross-stitching, a form of needlepoint where the finished product is a decorative tableau. Mike Bresson, a college friend, remembers traveling through Italy with Garrett and a group of others. “She was cross-stitching when everyone else was sleeping. She just never wastes a moment,” he says.

Of course cross-stitchers will immediately recognize their own practice of never wasting a moment. Who among you "just" watches tv or a movie (at home) or "just" visits with family? We once had a prospective grad student stay with us. He was from New York, so he woke up rather early. He didn't want to wake us, so he searched the coffee table for something to read. Back in those days, the only magazines we had out were my cross-stitch magazines. So he asked the s.o., "does your wife stitch while she watches tv?" The reply: "of course." "Does she see things you can't figure out how she can see while she's working?" As if your s.o. never asked that question of another cross-stitch widow(er)...but I digress.

You will also recognize that cross-stitch is a form of embroidery, like needlepoint is. That in fact, cross-stitch and needlepoint are cousins. But decorative tableau? I think Garrett must do landscapes. I want to respond to the article. What I want to say is that while some cross-stitch results in "decorative tableau," American cross-stitch has its roots in the sampler--at the very least in the functional. So I googled "cross-stitch history." I checked out the EGA. I cannot find a good history of American needlework. Remember the PhD means that my idea of "good" meets certain standards of academic discourse. You got something for me?

Designing: Stitching Bloggers QOTW

What would you most like your favourite designer to design next? I would like my favorite designer to design whatever he or she would like to design next. I'm not one of those people who stares at the blank space on the wall and says, "what that really needs is a cross-stitched project that looks like this designed by her." I have ideas about projects that I think should exist, but I figure if they're my ideas, I should just go ahead and chart them and stitch it. It's not brain surgery.

Happy Anniversary!

I started this blog on August 21, 2003, one year ago tomorrow. (I'd blog the one year mark, but my home computer sucks.) When I started it, there were a lot of knitting bloggers and almost no stitching bloggers who I could find despite searches of livejournal, asking my blogging friends, and google searches. Happily, there are many more stitching bloggers out there. I love most of them, no matter how much I complain about spelling, grammar, or indeed, what they say.

So I've been reading the 153 posts I've made since last August. I have to say that I'm a little more interested in the ones that deal with the idea of stitching than the ones that deal with what I've stitched. I wish I had more to say about the former rather than filling up space with the latter. Several readers have told me that seeing stitching progress is helpful, too, and I try to take comfort from that. It's also heartening to see goals achieved and be reminded of trips I have taken. It's very disheartening to see how much I have complained about this job. I have honestly done lots to change my situation but not nearly enough apparently... I am--once again--in the middle of the shit storm surrounded by lunatics and idiots.

Toy Gatherer Update

I've finished another ten hours on the Toy Gatherer. I apologize in advance for the really rank coloring. I took the picture in my office, because that's where the camera was, and gadzooks it looks yellow. It hasn't changed color. My office doesn't seem that yellow, and I have yet to turn on the lights in here. I finally have a window office and it's been hot hot hot and bright. (The a/c isn't functioning on this floor yet. Have I mentioned that I hate renovations? Especially half-assed university renos.)

On to Baby P's band sampler.

Still No Phones

My office is once again connected--at least the computer is back online. And I've got pictures:Roly Poly Santa, Lauren Sauer's Sunflower Smalls, and Maureen Appleton's Williamsburg Doorway ornament. So exciting to have completed two pieces off the WIP list.

Have you been to meetup? They've asked me to organize the cross-stitch meetup on LA's westside...actually, Santa Monica. I live just this side of the westside, and I don't get out much. So, where to meet? And who will come? There are precisely two of us signed up. Go, sign up, tell me where we should meet.

Gone Shopping

I've started my Christmas shopping. I went to Glory Bee and got "Another Martini"--only my computer wasn't hooked up and I wasn't about to order from the computer lab, so I had to call and ask for "another martini." Good thing the boss wasn't around (smirk). I ordered that to make for my cousin who has the martini sign up in her kitchen and a collection of vintage cocktail shakers. I thought I had also seen a pattern for a cosmopolitan on the site, but if I saw one at all, it wasn't there. I want that for my sister who has decided to decorate her kitchen with "cocktails." They do have a margarita, but my sister is a SATC fan. The woman at Glory Bee said that I could probably adapt the martini pattern, by stitching the olives with cranberry floss. Now that I think about it, Sissy's moving and I think she's going to be sharing a kitchen. Maybe I should keep thinking.

I spent hours looking at the free knitting patterns on about.com for the pattern I requested last week. I can usually find some good stuff there, but it seems no one is making a knit cardigan for toddlers that has any kind of trim (I want something that goes from the collar down the placket to the sweater bottom). I came pretty close, it just has trim on the collar. Oh, and there is one in Monkeysuits. Maybe my desire for fluff on the placket is just too much. And what is up with knitting book publishers not making pages--the relevant pages--from their books accessible on the amazon site? I don't want a picture of Jill Eaton, I want a picture of the finished projects. Oh, so you think I should get off my butt and go to the bookstore, do you?

I've made my rotations for the next three months, and sad to say, there's not much stitching on it, mostly knitting. I guess I'm knitting because I have a better sense of how long those projects will take. With cross-stitch, I always want to do something complicated or nice and that just takes a long time. Since I'm not much of a knitter, I'm content to knit crappy scarves. Do you hope that people who don't want a crappy scarf will just tell you? (Although this year I am felting bags...)

I've also figured out about how many hours I have left on finishing up the (x-stitch) WIP list. I think it will take me about 230 hours. This is how sick I am, I am thinking about organizing my unstarted patterns by categories (size, season, and how much I want to work on it) and making a new rotation. Okay, I am about 5 months from finishing what I've started, and I'm already making lists of what I'd like to do next. I think I need a clinic.

News of the Weird

Exploding knitting needles. That's it, no more knitting on airplanes!

Stitching Bloggers QOTW

If you were to stitch something to be passed on to future generations of your family as an heirloom, what would it be and why?
Each of my stitched pieces is an heirloom. Who's throwing it out? Even when my grandmother (that bitch) decided she didn't have room for some of my stitching, she gave it to my aunt.

And because I was out of town last week:
What would your stitching confession be?
I never take out mistakes if I don't have to. I try to use compensation stitches. Or if one or two stitches are the wrong color, I figure the only ones who know are me and the designer. Occasionally, I'll even stitch over a mistake. If it looks bad I'll take it out, but if you can't tell, it's staying in.

Also, I have a tendency to overspend. Sometimes my stash lives in the trunk of the car until I can smuggle it into my closet. But my money is my money, and the dh doesn't worry about what I spend. It's more because I can't believe I've bought more than someone's going without chow.

---

I have made some progress this weekend! In addition to completing Roly Poly Santa (pictures soon) I also finished Forget-Me-Nots In Stitches' Sunflower Smalls needlebook (begun in 1994). I had originally thought that I would also re-stitch the scissors holder that I lost on a flight many moons ago (when you could take your scissors on board), but I decided that since it wasn't started it wasn't a work in progress. So I got to knock another two projects off the WIP list. Very exciting. I also managed 10 hours on the Williamsburg Doorway. Quiet weekend.

Making Friends Wherever we Are

Last night as we waited in the Philadelphia Airport (oh, and there's another place that sucks) to return to Los Angeles, I was befriended by The Stitching Flight Attendant. Have you ever noticed? There's always one. She--and it's almost always a she--will sneak up to your row to see what you are working on. She knows the best places to shop, because she's visited all the places. She loves to talk stitching with you. Well, last night's--Kathryn/Catherine--fell in love with Roly Poly Santa. So we chatted about Stores to Visit (Ginger's), about The Silver Needle, and about the Silver Needle retreats. I warned her that they were rustic, but she's enthused about attending! When I arrived home I found that the Silver Needle has upgraded their retreats! I can't wait to go in March to find out about the new facility. I'm guessing that I'm going to have to go without MB, but I'm a big enough girl. What I liked best, though, about the SFA was that she was appalled to think anyone would limit the number of projects they had going at once!

While on my trip, I worked on my Roly Poly Santa (updated photos as soon as they get our office functioning normally--they don't even expect us to have phones until Tuesday!), finished the "no-hair-day" hat, and got to the point on the Sophie bag where I need the dpns for the i-cord. My niece insisted on holding the yarn while I stitched in the car. Every few stitches, she'd ask, "More yarn?" and I usually replied, "Yes, please, more yarn." Being four, she would occasionally forget why she was holding the yarn and would begin wrapping it around her legs. Occasionally annoying, it amounted to no real harm, and she got to feel like she was helping auntie. She was thrilled by the no-hair-day hat, so I started knitting her one on the flight home. I'd like to knit a simple sweater that had a fun fur trim, if you've seen a pattern for that somewhere...

Ugly Duckling

I finished the Ugliest Scarf Ever, and I think it turned out well. The extra colors and the additional fringe I added seem to really do something for it. Unfortunately, no pictures today because the camera was in the wrong place at the wrong time. I am going to use this technique again; I love the variety of colors and textures, and it's a real no brainer.

I went to the other craft stores to replace the pink Pearl yarn and saved $1 on the fun fur, $2 on the baby soft, and $3 on the wool-ease thick and quick. Neither store carried the Chenille T&Q in hot pink. But if I can get my office packed up (they're moving us again) and the little bit of work I plan to do today done quickly, I'll be able to head to the LYS before we head out of town tomorrow morning. Then I'll be able to get some wool for felting, the right size needles for my grandmother's no-hair-day hat, and the hot pink chenille.

Loyal readers will allow me a few days' vacation. We're off to Philadelphia to interview/visit friends and family. Well, less of the former than we had hoped, but the latter should make up for it. Back Thursday.

Finish! Stitching Bloggers QOTW

If you could only finish one of the pieces in your stash (as it is at the moment), what would it be and why?
I'd rather stop stitching right now, never to stitch again, than to have to choose just one project. How have others answered this? [goes to read other responses] Okay, so that didn't help. I think the answer is I don't know. I'm not going to agonize over this.

Tonight I am going to the other-craft-places-that-sell-yarn (local LYSes don't stay open past 6:00 p.m. because, you know, only housewives knit) to see what I can duplicate from the Horrible Pearl Purchase. I don't want to return anything that I can't replace.

I HATE PEARL

Pearl Arts and Crafts sucks. I don't even know why I go. Okay, it's five minutes from my house and has a good selection. But they have the most cretinous, fucked-up sales force in the world.

I was working on the Ugliest Scarf Ever, and I convinced myself that if I had some plainer browns and olive greens to throw in the mix, the scarf wouldn't be so ugly. But I was in the middle of watching Howard Lederer, TJ Cloutier and Dutch Boyd in the Razz tournament. And if I left, I'd miss Phil Gordon saying that Blind Man's Bluff is the greatest event in the history of mankind. For some reason, I find it almost as amusing as Dave Foley saying, "I haven't been sitting here with my head up my ass, Phil" during Celebrity Poker Showdown. So I debate: drive half an hour on America's busiest freeway--I'm not making that up--to go to Joann's (where I am temporarily out of 40% off coupons) or Michael's (larger stock) or go to the Pearl A&C that's five minutes from my house. I choose "convenience."

Fortunately, the local Pearl is in a boom--sometimes I go there and they look like they're going out of business because they have no stock. Other times, they've got everything--more than Joann's or Michael's. So I find some olive wool-ease and some light olive something else that has a cool texture; it's not on their unbelievably bad website. But because they actually have stock, I start thinking I could pick up some more yarn to make other things. I pick up a variety of pink yarns. It takes me a while (so much for the tournament), and while I am haunting the aisles, I overhear some employees plotting to steal from the store and return the merchandise. Can you say, "dumb motherfuckers?" I go to check out and there is a short line (2 customers) at the register, with no attendant. The manager is at the "customer service" desk taking a return of about a million small bottles of paint. This is going to take a while. The guy at the front of the line--who has been there long enough that his cash and discount card are lying next to the Drummel set (bar code up) he's buying--rather too nicely asks if the manager can get someone to wait on him. The other woman in line leaves. Apparently the manager is a mental defective and can't figure out that if you have cutomers waiting and a sales force "working," you should put someone on the registers. So he pages "Douglas" to "customer service." And because Douglas is so keen on customer service, we wait for about 10 minutes. I shout, "Perhaps you should page Douglas again." The manager looks up from his complicated return and decides I might be right. Douglas saunters--and I think Douglas's walk defines "saunters"--over and tries to log in to his cash register. Since Douglas has too much hair and because his eyes don't open all the way because he is stoned, he has a little difficulty with this simple task. Finally, he rings up Drummel-head-discount-guy. He gets to me. "Are you mad because you had to wait in line?" he asks. "Yes," I reply while I am digging in my purse. "Are you mad because you had to wait in line?" he asks again, louder because he didn't hear my reply. I lean forward, so that my nose is almost touching his and shout, "I said, 'yes, I am'." This doesn't seem to help him work faster, but the security guard doesn't check my receipt on the way out.

I get home and realize I have bought Lion Brand Chenille for $9 when it is on sale at Joann's for $5.99. On the TV, Howard is snipping at TJ because Razz is a cruel taskmaster. I have news for him; buying something at Pearl, that's frustrating. I'm bringing the $40 worth of pink yarn back. Then I'll get to deal with the manager.

I'm writing a letter. I'm good at it, and I get results. So I thought I'd share a few tips, since that eight years of teaching college writing should be used for good.

• Keep it short I've written the whole long story above. You read it because it's funny when people share your pain. The head of Pearl "customer service" won't.
• Keep it clean Vulgar language makes you feel better, but people don't like to listen to it. It can also make you sound crazy, and crazy is bad.
• Keep it simple In addition to my problems with Douglas and the manager, I do have information about their employees' lack of ethics. If I were to write about it, it's really for a separate letter. Let's not overwhelm the brain trust that hired these people in the first place.
• State the facts. Where did it happen? When? Who was involved?
• Tell them what you want. With a complaint like mine, it's difficult. What I want is a whole new sales force. What I'll settle on is "improved customer service."
• Give them a reason to follow up. This is where you tell them you're not coming back.
• Spell Check and run it through the grammar checker if you often misuse homophones.

If you can't follow these rules, write two letters. The one that makes you feel good (that's for your files, or blog) and the one that you send.

At least I was right about the plain olive yarns helping improve the looks of the scarf.

Uh oh, I'm knitting

I didn't feel like stitching last night. I felt like knitting. So I got out all my old yarn and started making a scrap scarf. Basically, it's knit lengthwise and each row is knit with a different strand (leaving tails on both ends). So far, it is embarrassingly ugly. I think I need some plain brown and olive yarns as opposed to the mixed-tone Homespun I am using. I'm going to miss this month's Stitch n Bitch yarn swap too. I was hoping not to buy anything new for this scarf. I have a few plans for Christmas knitting that are going to take $$--and for those relatives I don't mind shelling out. I'm thinking SIL2 might like a Booga Bag, and SIL1 will like a Sophie. Or, I could use up the tons of yarn I have leftover from her scarf and make a hat to match. I can do a scarf for cousin2 since she wasn't around to get one last year. Auntie Em might like a Sophie bag too. I might do an eyelash yarn sweater for my sister's dog (you have to scroll and click through for the dog sweater). Grandma, who got the purple eyelash yarn scarf last year, will get a "no hair day" hat (she's not undergoing chemo, she just has no hair) to match, and maybe a coppery one too depending on how quickly that goes. I can't believe Christmas is only 143 days away!

I like having something to do on the ride into work. Knitting is good for that. I have stitched in the car (on the trip across country, and I got lots done), but the pattern needs to be easy to follow and straightforward. The pieces I am working on lately are too big and complicated to manage in the front seat of a Honda Civic. Knitting fits. Even if you are knitting the Ugliest Scarf in Creation.

One Giant Mother of a Finish

I have completed the afghan. I can't believe it! Only four months after I had hoped to have it done. You'd have thought that between 2001 and April 2004, I could have found four months to work on it... But it is done, done, done, done, done. I would have blogged about it sooner, but our computer has Windows98 which means we can't upload a newer IE free from work which means the home computer is incompatible with the new blogger.

So on Saturday, I worked on Toy Gatherer because outside of the goals I set up for July, my rotation is kind of sketchy. After ten hours on that, I started Drawn Thread's Birth Band Sampler. I tried to explain the new start to my husband who eyed me suspiciously while I cocked it up (the first motif starts in the "wrong" place on the linen threads, so when I got to the exes I was half a stitch off). I don't see any reason not to start this. Not only is it really small, it's for his sister who's due in October. I need to get this started!

How did I do last month?
10 more hours/complete the afghan a
10 hours on Watercolor Geraniums a
Complete "Be Thee Mine" by July 14 a
10 hours on Treasured Tulips a
bonus: ten hours on Toy Gatherer

August goals: I need some help, people. As you know, in late April when I started this drive to Get Stuff Done, I had a list of about 20 items to complete. I've done eight and lost one. I have been actively working on five in my rotation: Roly Poly, Toy Gatherer, Williamsburg Doorway, Watercolor Geraniums, and Treasured Tulips. And now I've added the Birth Band Sampler. That's 2 smallish and 4 large. I'm not going to finish anything soon by doing 10 hours on each. So, I'm wondering, should I make a new active rotation? Adding something that's small and maybe taking out the Watercolor Geraniums because I can't bear stitching with three strands lately? The problem with taking WG out of the rotation is that there are too many floss colors so I would have to put the floss back into storage for use with other projects. OTOH, the last time I had to take the floss out of storage for this project, I was going back to the storage box about every third color while I stitched. There are so many blended needles that the list is impossible to follow when you're pulling floss. Oh, sure I could just make a list from what I have in the travel case now, since it's all there and it's in numerical order, but that wouldn't give me the excuse I need to hate this project.
Okay, we'll go with this for the August Goals:
Roly Poly 10 hours
Toy Gatherer 10 hours
Williamsburg Doorway 10 hours
Birth Band Sampler 10 hours
Sunflower Smalls 10 hours
unless you've got something better for me?